By Sr. Muntaqima Abdur-Rashid
"And among His Signs is this, that He created for you mates from among yourselves that you may dwell in tranquillity with them, and He has put love and mercy between your (hearts). Verily in that are Signs for those who reflect" (30: 21).
I have listed some rules that may benefit those seeking an Islamic marriage, as well as, those who are already married. I do not pretend to be an expert of any kind. I have learned what I know through marrying at the early age of 18, just 9 months after embracing Islam. I muddled my way through much of my 14 years of marriage, and consider myself a graduate from the 'school of hard knocks'. The rules are:
1. Be conscious of your physical appearance. No one was more conscious of this than the Prophet. His Sulmah reflects keen attention to personal hygiene and good grooming. He kept himself strong and muscular. Most likely the first aspect of you that attracted your mate was your appearance, so don't think that simply because you are married the task is over. You can't hide a weight problem under Thawbs' (dress) and long Khimars' (veils). Your mate knows. Be aware that you live in a society that places a high premium on physical appearance. It flaunts the shapely female and her muscular counterpart. Temptations that beckon non-Muslims beckon Muslims as well. Don 't allow your mate to get side-tracked by the likes of a 'Raquel Welch or an Arnold Schwarzenegger'. Jog, join a gym, roller skate, swim and stay in shape. Insha' Allah, you will be more vibrant, more radiant, and more attractive to your mate.
2. Be aware of your role, but do not fall into role- playing. Muslim spouses sometimes experience difficulties because they are trying to do things 'by the book' without giving due consideration to the conditions prevailing in their country. For example, most female converts are taught that the role of the Muslim woman is to be at home raising her children. Supposedly, it is the man who works outside the home to maintain the family. She may have read about Birth Control and assumed that it has no place for the Muslimah; yet, it is worth noting that the Prophet himself allowed coitus interruptus. If ideal Islamic conditions prevailed, there would be no reason for a sister to worry about her financial situation interfering with her right to bear children. However, without an Islamic society, needy Muslim families may have to resort to welfare and food stamps rather than Zakaah and Sadaqah. This creates a feeling of dependence and humiliation that can place extreme stress on a marriage. In this ease, it may be helpful for the Muslim couple to delay having children, for the wife to work while the children are young and until the couple 's financial situation improves. Islam gives you this flexibility. Don't be afraid or ashamed to use it.
3. Be a companion to your mate. Try to show enthusiasm for your spouse 's interests and hobbies. It is well-known that the Prophet would run races with 'Ayesha. By all means try to involve your mate in your interests.
4. Be active in Islamic community life. This will strengthen your commitment to Islam while providing you wish a wholesome social outlet. Encourage your spouse to engage in activities that promote Islam. Have dinners at your home for Muslims as well as non-Muslims, and don't neglect your relatives. These activities will indirectly enhance the quality of your marriage through widening your circle of activity and contacts.
5. Admit your mistakes and have a forgiving, generous attitude when your mate errs. This country is a difficult place to live in. Most Muslims fall short of the Islamic ideal. Contradictions abound. Be quick to admit your shortcomings and work to amend them. Be understanding when your mate does not live up to the Islamic ideal and gently try to motivate him or her in the right direction.
6. Have a sense of humour. Be able to chuckle at life's minor aggravations.
7. Be modest when around members of the opposite sex. Do not try to test your spouse's affection by feigning interest in another. This will only cause dissension and bad feelings.
8. Share household duties. Brothers, take note. This is especially important these days when women work outside the home. The Prophet always helped his wives around the house and even mended his own clothes. Who knows? You might find you actually like preparing the evening meal or taking care of junior so your wife can have the afternoon off. The Messenger of Allah said, "The most perfect of the believers in faith is the best of them in moral excellence, and the best of you are the kindest of you to their wives" (at-Tirmidhi).
9. Surprise each other with gifts. Treat her to an evening out alone, away from the children. There are no words to describe the lift this can give to a marriage.
10. Communicate your feelings to one another, good and bad. Tell him how handsome he looks. Where there is disagreement, have an open discussion. Don ' t collect red stamps. Nip it in the bud .
11. Live within your means. Stay away from credit cards if you can. Sisters, take note. Don't envy the possessions of your friends, and belittle your husband because he can't provide them for you. Muslim couples will do well to stay away from ostentatious living. The Prophet did not live this way, neither should you.
12. Respect your mate's need for privacy. A quiet time to oneself, either at home or away from home, each day can make a disagreeable person agreeable.
13. Don 't share personal problems with others. There are a few exceptions to this rule, but if you must discuss personal problems, make sure it is with a person in whom you have the utmost confidence. If you have a learned Muslim brother or sister in your community, seek him or her out first.
14. Be sensitive to your mate's moods. If you want to share a personal achievement, don't do it when your spouse is 'down in the dumps ' . Wait for the proper time.
You may be saying to yourself, "This is easier said than done." Well, you're right. A successful marriage doesn't just happen. It's not simply a matter of luck or finding the right person. It takes hard work and determination. It means being selfless and making mistakes. It means having vengeance on your mind but forgiveness in your heart. But, then, its perfection is "half of faith".
Thursday, February 18, 2010
Wednesday, February 17, 2010
Arah Tuju Sebuah Cinta: Forum Bersama Kang Abik
Moderator Dr. Raja Ahmad Iskandar bersama panelis Ustadz Habiburrahman el-Shirazi dan Ustaz Hasrizal Abdul Jamil
“Pernikahan itu harus ada visi dan misi yang dikongsi bersama,” Kang Abik memulakan bicaranya.
Program menerima sambutan yang menggalakkan daripada warga Universiti Teknologi Petronas (UTP) dan institusi sekitar negeri Perak.
“Al-Quran itu sendiri sudah memaparkan empat jenis perkahwinan yang bersangkutan soal visi dan misi,” aktivis juga novelis luar biasa dari tetangga Indonesia itu melanjutkan penerangannya.
Saya sendiri pantas menyambar pena untuk mencatat. Tidak mahu terlepas walaupun sedikit mutiara kata Ustadz Habiburrahman el-Shirazi, tatkala digandingkan bersama saya selaku panelis Forum Baitul Muslim yang diselenggarakan oleh moderator yang juga merupakan sahabat saya, Dr. Raja Ahmad Iskandar, pensyarah di UTP.
NUH DAN LUT
Mereka berdua adalah insan yang soleh. Rasul utusan Allah, ‘alayhim al-solaat wa al-salaam.
Tetapi Allah menguji mereka dengan beristerikan wanita yang durhaka kepada Tuhan. Begitu juga dengan sang anak. Si suami menyeru manusia kepada Iman manakala isteri pula bermati-matian mempertahankan kekufuran. Rumahtangga dan cinta antara mereka musnah oleh visi dan misi yang bertentangan. Satu memanggil ke Syurga dan satu lagi menyeru ke Neraka.
ISTERI FIRAUN
Sama ceritanya dengan isteri Firaun.
Seorang wanita yang beriman, bersuamikan manusia paling kufur kepada Allah. Gila kuasanya, bukan setakat mahu menduduki takhta kepimpinan malah mendakwa diri Tuhan. Cinta dan rumahtangga mereka berakhir dengan perpisahan pada sempadan iman dan kufur. Seorang tabah mempertahankan iman, tatkala seorang lagi sanggup mati pada menjulang kekufuran hingga tenggelam dalam keingkaran.
Kedua-dua rumahtangga ini saling berantakan apabila cita-cita antara suami dan isteri berbeza. Berlainan pada visi dan misi mereka.
ABU LAHAB DAN UMMU JAMIL
Pasangan ini sehati sejiwa. Mereka berdansa seirama pada meraikan kekufuran mereka.
Suami sangat membenci kebenaran dan menolak kenabian. Isteri pula memberikan sokongan yang tidak berbelah bagi pada menyokong apa yang diperjuangkan. Mereka sekepala, satu selera, satu cita-cita. Hidupnya hanya terhimpun pada satu erti. Mereka bercinta dalam perjuangan mendaulatkan Jahiliyyah dan kekufuran terhadap Tuhan.
Mereka ‘bahagia’.
Bahagia pada seiring dan sejalannya mereka menuju Neraka.
Nantikan nasib mereka di Sana!
RASULULLAH S.A.W DAN ISTERI
Itulah contoh teladan utama kita. Uswah Hasanah.
Tiada cacatan pada rumahtangga yang berjaya dan cemerlang itu bermula dengan berpacaran atau cuba-cuba melanggar aturan Tuhan atas nama mencari keserasian. Apa yang ada adalah Taaruf. Apa yang dicatat adalah merealisasikan cinta pada mencintai kebenaran. Dalam kemiskinan, ketika ada harinya dapur rumahtangga itu ketiadaan makanan, Rasulullah sallallaahu ‘alayhi wa sallam dan isteri baginda mengecap kebahagiaan.
Benar sekali… rumahtangga yang tidak ditentukan arah tujunya, adalah rumahtangga yang tidak tentu arah.
Satu jalan menuju ke Syurga.
Satu jalan menuju ke Neraka.
Bahagia, biar sampai ke Syurga.
ABU SAIF @ www.saifulislam.com
68000 AMPANG
“Pernikahan itu harus ada visi dan misi yang dikongsi bersama,” Kang Abik memulakan bicaranya.
Program menerima sambutan yang menggalakkan daripada warga Universiti Teknologi Petronas (UTP) dan institusi sekitar negeri Perak.
“Al-Quran itu sendiri sudah memaparkan empat jenis perkahwinan yang bersangkutan soal visi dan misi,” aktivis juga novelis luar biasa dari tetangga Indonesia itu melanjutkan penerangannya.
Saya sendiri pantas menyambar pena untuk mencatat. Tidak mahu terlepas walaupun sedikit mutiara kata Ustadz Habiburrahman el-Shirazi, tatkala digandingkan bersama saya selaku panelis Forum Baitul Muslim yang diselenggarakan oleh moderator yang juga merupakan sahabat saya, Dr. Raja Ahmad Iskandar, pensyarah di UTP.
NUH DAN LUT
Mereka berdua adalah insan yang soleh. Rasul utusan Allah, ‘alayhim al-solaat wa al-salaam.
Tetapi Allah menguji mereka dengan beristerikan wanita yang durhaka kepada Tuhan. Begitu juga dengan sang anak. Si suami menyeru manusia kepada Iman manakala isteri pula bermati-matian mempertahankan kekufuran. Rumahtangga dan cinta antara mereka musnah oleh visi dan misi yang bertentangan. Satu memanggil ke Syurga dan satu lagi menyeru ke Neraka.
ISTERI FIRAUN
Sama ceritanya dengan isteri Firaun.
Seorang wanita yang beriman, bersuamikan manusia paling kufur kepada Allah. Gila kuasanya, bukan setakat mahu menduduki takhta kepimpinan malah mendakwa diri Tuhan. Cinta dan rumahtangga mereka berakhir dengan perpisahan pada sempadan iman dan kufur. Seorang tabah mempertahankan iman, tatkala seorang lagi sanggup mati pada menjulang kekufuran hingga tenggelam dalam keingkaran.
Kedua-dua rumahtangga ini saling berantakan apabila cita-cita antara suami dan isteri berbeza. Berlainan pada visi dan misi mereka.
ABU LAHAB DAN UMMU JAMIL
Pasangan ini sehati sejiwa. Mereka berdansa seirama pada meraikan kekufuran mereka.
Suami sangat membenci kebenaran dan menolak kenabian. Isteri pula memberikan sokongan yang tidak berbelah bagi pada menyokong apa yang diperjuangkan. Mereka sekepala, satu selera, satu cita-cita. Hidupnya hanya terhimpun pada satu erti. Mereka bercinta dalam perjuangan mendaulatkan Jahiliyyah dan kekufuran terhadap Tuhan.
Mereka ‘bahagia’.
Bahagia pada seiring dan sejalannya mereka menuju Neraka.
Nantikan nasib mereka di Sana!
RASULULLAH S.A.W DAN ISTERI
Itulah contoh teladan utama kita. Uswah Hasanah.
Tiada cacatan pada rumahtangga yang berjaya dan cemerlang itu bermula dengan berpacaran atau cuba-cuba melanggar aturan Tuhan atas nama mencari keserasian. Apa yang ada adalah Taaruf. Apa yang dicatat adalah merealisasikan cinta pada mencintai kebenaran. Dalam kemiskinan, ketika ada harinya dapur rumahtangga itu ketiadaan makanan, Rasulullah sallallaahu ‘alayhi wa sallam dan isteri baginda mengecap kebahagiaan.
Benar sekali… rumahtangga yang tidak ditentukan arah tujunya, adalah rumahtangga yang tidak tentu arah.
Satu jalan menuju ke Syurga.
Satu jalan menuju ke Neraka.
Bahagia, biar sampai ke Syurga.
ABU SAIF @ www.saifulislam.com
68000 AMPANG
Tuesday, February 16, 2010
Mesrakan anak dgn buku
Setiap pasangan berkahwin mahukan zuriat,tapi ada sesetengah yang lupa pada tanggungjawab terhadap zuriat mereka.Apa persepsi anda jika anak seorang guru (yang terkenal dengan banyak masa terluang ) tidak tahu membaca walaupun sudah berumur 7 tahun?
Why Babies Need Books?
They coo, they cuddle ... but can they really enjoy books?
The answer is a resounding "yes!" As Gopnik, Meltzoff, and Kuhl, authors of The Scientist in the Crib note, "Babies know important things about language literally from the time they are born, and they learn a great deal about language before they ever say a word."Numerous studies confirm that reading to infants not only boosts speech and language development, but overall intelligence as well. When you read to your baby, you set the stage for a lifetime of literacy.
How do babies use books?
Babies love to observe. Every time you read to your baby, you reinforce basic reading concepts, such as turning pages and following text from left to right. As you read a book together, point to the pictures, name them, and talk about them. As your infant grows, he will imitate you by turning pages or pointing to objects.
Babies also like to be held and spoken to. And books provide the perfect opportunity for them to learn about speech patterns and how to make sounds. When you read to your child, think of it as a conversation. Make the experience fun and interactive — describe the colors you see, ask questions, convey emotions. Consider that each book is a new world for you to explore.
How can I be sure that my baby enjoys reading?
Books provide vital one-on-one time for you and your infant. Through the sound of your voice and the warmth of your body, your baby will come to think of reading as a pleasurable activity.
Even as your child becomes more active and begins to venture off your lap, she will still appreciate the routine of snuggling together to read. She will probably want to read the same story over and over, and it's best not to dissuade her. Remember that the familiarity of a favorite bedtime story can provide comfort and security, and the repetition — while sometimes boring for you! — helps your baby to build her vocabulary and comprehension.
Newborns see things best from about a foot away — or the distance from your face to your baby's while you're holding him. So it's best to select books with high-contrast images. Black-and-white illustrations and patterns (stripes, polka dots, checkers) provide plenty of entertainment for infants of this age.
To stimulate older babies, look for books that require some manual dexterity. Lift-the-flap books, touch-and-feel books, and chunky board books sized for little hands are both fun and challenging. Books that offer a variety of textures introduce your baby to the difference between fuzzy and hard, smooth and rough.
Most babies do not have the attention span required for lengthy picture books, so stick to simple text and rhymes accompanied by vivid pictures. Also, sturdy construction is important — you want books that will last!
Remember that while babies aren't born book lovers, they are born learners. And the more you read to them, the more they learn. They learn to love the feel of the pages in their hands (or their mouth), the sound of your voice, the beauty of the illustrations the joy of a good book.
p/s : Jangan lupa mesrakan anak-anak anda dengan buku
Tags: my baby
Why Babies Need Books?
They coo, they cuddle ... but can they really enjoy books?
The answer is a resounding "yes!" As Gopnik, Meltzoff, and Kuhl, authors of The Scientist in the Crib note, "Babies know important things about language literally from the time they are born, and they learn a great deal about language before they ever say a word."Numerous studies confirm that reading to infants not only boosts speech and language development, but overall intelligence as well. When you read to your baby, you set the stage for a lifetime of literacy.
How do babies use books?
Babies love to observe. Every time you read to your baby, you reinforce basic reading concepts, such as turning pages and following text from left to right. As you read a book together, point to the pictures, name them, and talk about them. As your infant grows, he will imitate you by turning pages or pointing to objects.
Babies also like to be held and spoken to. And books provide the perfect opportunity for them to learn about speech patterns and how to make sounds. When you read to your child, think of it as a conversation. Make the experience fun and interactive — describe the colors you see, ask questions, convey emotions. Consider that each book is a new world for you to explore.
How can I be sure that my baby enjoys reading?
Books provide vital one-on-one time for you and your infant. Through the sound of your voice and the warmth of your body, your baby will come to think of reading as a pleasurable activity.
Even as your child becomes more active and begins to venture off your lap, she will still appreciate the routine of snuggling together to read. She will probably want to read the same story over and over, and it's best not to dissuade her. Remember that the familiarity of a favorite bedtime story can provide comfort and security, and the repetition — while sometimes boring for you! — helps your baby to build her vocabulary and comprehension.
Newborns see things best from about a foot away — or the distance from your face to your baby's while you're holding him. So it's best to select books with high-contrast images. Black-and-white illustrations and patterns (stripes, polka dots, checkers) provide plenty of entertainment for infants of this age.
To stimulate older babies, look for books that require some manual dexterity. Lift-the-flap books, touch-and-feel books, and chunky board books sized for little hands are both fun and challenging. Books that offer a variety of textures introduce your baby to the difference between fuzzy and hard, smooth and rough.
Most babies do not have the attention span required for lengthy picture books, so stick to simple text and rhymes accompanied by vivid pictures. Also, sturdy construction is important — you want books that will last!
Remember that while babies aren't born book lovers, they are born learners. And the more you read to them, the more they learn. They learn to love the feel of the pages in their hands (or their mouth), the sound of your voice, the beauty of the illustrations the joy of a good book.
p/s : Jangan lupa mesrakan anak-anak anda dengan buku
Tags: my baby
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